One of my worst habits, and what could honestly be called my one serious addiction, is when i am stressed, depairing & anxiety-ridden,,,,is to go out & spend lots of money i dont have. (i dont do this when i DO have money; i’m very good about budgeting when i have a steady income). I once heard George Carlin say that shopping / consumerism is the way that we americans maintain the illusion that we have control over our life: Buying things gives a false sense of empowerment & making decisions about our lives—even if its something as vaccuous as choosing to purchase that blue sweater we dont even need. I wholeheartedly agree with this theory when it comes to myself…
ANYWAYS, at the end of a stress-laden week,where i’d been juggling taking care of a myriad of details to start the new job next week, completing my community service hours (from the car accident in June), and getting ready for my big horse show tomorrow,,,,i found myself in one of my Most seductive places to spend money—the thrift store. I walked in with good intention,,,,i just wanted to buy a cheap mens suit jacket to use as my equestrian show jacket, and perhaps a blouse or two, depending on how much the jacket set me back (when show jackets run $150 to $500 new, anything i found that fit me at the thrift store would be “Cheap”. I went in planning to spend no more than $20; i came out $60 poorer (of the money thats supposed to last me till the end of the month…) ‘Got some REEEALLY nice inexpensive clothes tho (ahem!)
But in wandering around the store, i walked into the even more dangerous area for me—dishes, candles, knick-knacks, cool tin boxes…..all the cool funky stuff that has Zilch pragmatic use, but is irresistable to a packrat like me. That theyre priced a mere $0.29 to $0.99 doesnt help matters much either…;) So, i’d picked up 2 cool tin boxes, a dish for in my altered art dabbling, a candle i was pondering, trying to make myself put back,,,,when i came across this little doll, priced at only 99 cents…
You’d think it be a cheap little kitchy piece of junk at that price…but she seems raher well-made: Porceline bisque face & Hands, jointed posable arms & legs, little wooden shoes, and (in my very amatuer estimation) hand painted features… But i’ve never liked dolls, dont collect them ,,,are never something i look for at flea markets & the like… But, maybe it was the mystic in me, but i felt compelled to buy her, felt her calling for her to be mine…sounds stupid to say aloud, but it is honestly how i felt, reacted. She seems to me to be an embodied essence of Venice, where i have more & more begun to feel as my spiritual home…
I have no idea what any of this means, to what significance or why i had such a strong reaction,,,,but its been my experience that such things reveal themselves in due time, for reasons far beyound what you foresee at the time….
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