……..well, another mostly quiet day at home, called in sick due to a.m. queasiness, then about the time I planned to pull it together, misjudged a step on the stairs and tumbled down three steps, bruising my ankle, so wound up not even making it to class either, tho I finished my response paper on time, ah well, still have way too much to take care of, to get to yet, one would hope I could also get some other writing done while home all day, but i was barely finishing reading and making notes for the response paper, cooking up the package of hamburger, watching the Mark Twain special on PBS (twice), then getting the kitchen cleaned up, I’m still tempted to take care of a few more things around the house, but also realize I’ll never get up on time in the a.m. if I don’t get to bed fairly soon, sigh, so it goes,,,,,I‘m too listless during the afternoons, and only motivated late at night, 
Ye Olde Fight The Night syndrome, not good not good forgetting back into a decent sleep rhythm, I still want to get back to doing a daily mediation, and am tempted to do so before I go to bed, then again think it’d be better for the morning, a calming , centering to start the day, h’mmmm………..Oops now they’re restarting the Mark Twain series, I’ll have to make myself pull away from it, and not spend another two hours engrossed in it, tho I could almost re-watch again how his life shaped his writing, what sources in his life events always fascinates me, finding out where different writers draw from…..I always intend to take notes of the ways that they developed their craft, by what they took note of, what books and how many they read, how often they wrote, what practice they had that developed their craft (e.g. Twain spent time as a typesetter, achieving a tactile sense of the placement of words), -- I ought to keep a journal, because I always wind up forgetting the particulars, just come away with a vague sense of their process, or never recall it in the forefront of my own writing enough to make use of such, A fascination yet no application, a theme running thru much of my life dissatisfaction…..I’m always reluctantly wishing that I could start the day over, a "wait till I’ve got it together, and am on time, prompt, prepared, and Then begin the day" on the right foot, even today it’s a dissatisfaction because I already had in my shower and would not have had to take of that, leaving me much more time to prepare and be on time to work, now blown, in this next a.m. I’ll have to take care of that as well of everything else, oh well…….right now I’m thinking about rearranging the altar table, dragging out the box of the nightstand (to remind me to get to putting it together), and then perhaps reading alittle EFM material, but at the same time I notice its 4:30am, and I’m planning on getting up at 8:30, which is a rather incongruent set of plans….(and I wonder why my life happens to me as it does…..??)
(a subtext of Twain bio “….He was an extreme noticer, he was a prodigious noticer”)
Late night sigh, my concentration is waning, tho I don’t fee l like I’ve said anything much yet, still wishing to get into some deeper thought or perspective or insight, but itching to go ahead and arrange the altar, rearrange the box, read the EFM text and get on with the next possible day, , always the urge to write and create and produce poetry, prose, something good, creative, something different, is stronger than the actual ability to do so……But then again I let go (and should ) of the attachment for writing any thing “good”, just write , just get the words on the page just spill out the words, the thoughts, the whatever muse you’re musing, just keep the writing muscle warmed up, you have to learn to just be able to capture your own thoughts on the page accurately, that in itself is an admirable goal, a craft to pursue………….. (4:40am)
Ye Olde Fight The Night syndrome, not good not good forgetting back into a decent sleep rhythm, I still want to get back to doing a daily mediation, and am tempted to do so before I go to bed, then again think it’d be better for the morning, a calming , centering to start the day, h’mmmm………..Oops now they’re restarting the Mark Twain series, I’ll have to make myself pull away from it, and not spend another two hours engrossed in it, tho I could almost re-watch again how his life shaped his writing, what sources in his life events always fascinates me, finding out where different writers draw from…..I always intend to take notes of the ways that they developed their craft, by what they took note of, what books and how many they read, how often they wrote, what practice they had that developed their craft (e.g. Twain spent time as a typesetter, achieving a tactile sense of the placement of words), -- I ought to keep a journal, because I always wind up forgetting the particulars, just come away with a vague sense of their process, or never recall it in the forefront of my own writing enough to make use of such, A fascination yet no application, a theme running thru much of my life dissatisfaction…..I’m always reluctantly wishing that I could start the day over, a "wait till I’ve got it together, and am on time, prompt, prepared, and Then begin the day" on the right foot, even today it’s a dissatisfaction because I already had in my shower and would not have had to take of that, leaving me much more time to prepare and be on time to work, now blown, in this next a.m. I’ll have to take care of that as well of everything else, oh well…….right now I’m thinking about rearranging the altar table, dragging out the box of the nightstand (to remind me to get to putting it together), and then perhaps reading alittle EFM material, but at the same time I notice its 4:30am, and I’m planning on getting up at 8:30, which is a rather incongruent set of plans….(and I wonder why my life happens to me as it does…..??) (a subtext of Twain bio “….He was an extreme noticer, he was a prodigious noticer”)
Late night sigh, my concentration is waning, tho I don’t fee l like I’ve said anything much yet, still wishing to get into some deeper thought or perspective or insight, but itching to go ahead and arrange the altar, rearrange the box, read the EFM text and get on with the next possible day, , always the urge to write and create and produce poetry, prose, something good, creative, something different, is stronger than the actual ability to do so……But then again I let go (and should ) of the attachment for writing any thing “good”, just write , just get the words on the page just spill out the words, the thoughts, the whatever muse you’re musing, just keep the writing muscle warmed up, you have to learn to just be able to capture your own thoughts on the page accurately, that in itself is an admirable goal, a craft to pursue………….. (4:40am)
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