....2006 was a pitiful year for me, romance-wise. I went on about 4 blind dates, and absolutely no spark with anyone i met. Whereas my friend C., in only 8 mos of online dating, has dated @ 6 people, some rather promising, seeing each several times or so…. With me, zilch.
I have absolutely no one in any vincinity of my life that i have any interest in. I have no one in my past that i have any “ghosts” or unresolved blocks about. There is nothing to hold me back, except that i never meet any of “my kind of guy”.
i dont what more i can do to positively manifest this goal. I’m honestly stumped as to why i cant make this happen in my life…
People will say “wait”; well, i’m about to be 45yrs old, and turned down about 5 possible marriages over my dating years,,,,so i feel i have waited, plenty. People will say “it’ll happen when youre not looking for it”. Well, i havent “looked” for anything, especially since the last entry, 8 months ago…only continued with my various social events. And still, nothing.
if there’s some way that i’m keeping this from happening, i wish i could figure out how & why & change it.
i also wish i could erase the entry i wrote on 43T inspired by the re-emergence of someone from my romantic past….from 9 years ago. Someone i seriously thought about a marriage with at the time. What ended our relationship was long-distance: we lived in different cities. I wasnt willing to instantly move, & wanted to wait at least a year…but he didnt want to continue a long distance relationship. I heard he got married about 2 yrs after we parted. Then 9 months ago, in one of those synchronistic, fluke of fates that are typical of my life, i found out he was divorced,,,,and had moved back to this city. How i found out was that his “Online Dating Profile” was sent to me as a “Match”. Nice that the universe is sending out emails to let me know when old loves have moved back to town-!
Anyways, he knows i’m still here, & i’m single, and has chosen not to get in touch with me. It did give me a jolt at the time, but has since just proven that we werent meant to be together anyway.
Thus. or Hence. Or anyways. Or at any rate. That is how it goes for me. Or doesnt, it would seem. I’m tired of waiting. I’m twenty-five years into waiting for the time to be right and for myself to be ready. The time is now right and i Am ready. I want my life’s partner, and i want to begin the next part of my life. Now.
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